its been about 2 weeks already since grandma leave us.. but it doesnt seems that i'm any better.. dun have the motivation or mood to do anything.. even playing, gakkai, browsing the net and going out with friends dun seems to attract me.. guess i'm really falling into my own world.. i thought i could overcome it and lead my life like the past but memories seems to be with me now and then.. didnt realise that actually i'm such a weakling.. have always thought that i'm strong but not anymore my tears are always flowing uncontrollably i noe that alot of friends are very concern about me and worried but pls give me sometime i will be alright soon.. been thinking where is grandma now, wad is she doing, is she happy or is she juz around me.. really hope to see, hear and feel her once more.. the memories of how she took care of us, how she chant, how she encourage memebers, how she turn our yellow dirty laundry into pure white and how she cook great dishes for us.. dun even dare to call ah ma cause it usually end up when we talk about grandma and start crying.. got to see this poem and feel that it really suit my situation now its about a seagull.. here it goes.. My foot does not separate from the ground, I'm simply afraid, I'm afraid to fly to the sky, because I'm use to the ground, I'm unfamiliar to the sky, do I have the wings, Do I have the dreams of before? it really seems to be talking about right now without grandma now it seems to leave the ground to the new sky where i'm so unfamiliar without her in the future and actually all my dreams are dashed now..

went cycling yesterday with zhenru at east coast.. its been a long long time since i have so relax.. but in the midst of cycling grandma comes into my mind and go.. however tried very hard to keep the feelings in me cause i did not wanna spoil mood and the spirit guess i'm starting to learn and control myself.. say dun miss grandma is fake wan la.. as long as sometimes i'm alone i feel like touching her and toking to her.. after cycling went to parkway to shop awhile before meeting may ann.. and we went to a place that i thought i would never think of for shopping "little india" its so funny to shop and we are racist i can say.. we went there and i guess i cant suit the food there so ended up i went to eat chinese fried rice at little india so wu liao right but nvm la.. after that the 3 of us proceed to mustafa.. its may ann and my first time there cant imagine how big the place is so fascinating so so much things they sell there and its cheaper then outside range.. and its open for 24hrs.. i felt so sua ku when i'm there and though my legs at that time was so so tired after my cycling i still manage to drag myself to shop for bout 3hrs before leaving.. enjoyed myself so much.. however, i missed the makan sessions with my cartoon gers.. cause i meet zr and ma le ma.. shall meet you all soon.. and the funniest part is when i reached home that someone that i dun wanna care for since 25th nov ask me whether i got angry or scold him secretly..but i did really see human nature and the bad side of human through alot of things for the past few weeks and day as mentioned before.. haizz sad muz keep reservations so i shall not elaborate much but deep in my heart i wanna tell that someone is do not compare humans, do not care for yourself too much and dun assume.. but its ok because of my grandma i will tolerate cause there is a saying you wan to know whether your pass away family memeber is happy and xing fu?? then you muz be happy and xing fu..

its been a week since grandma passed away.. cant imagine that time passes so so fast.. but the memories in my mind doesnt seems to be washed away day by day but it seems that i'm starting to miss her more and more... haizz... i oso dunno i one day need to cry how many times tears juz flow out none stop i noe i should not be in this way but its very hard to control and do not compare me with others, i am who am i thats the way.. i miss that times i changed her diapers, i fed her meals, i apply body lotion on her, i massage her and of course how i teased her and she would juz smile... and definatly when we have our heart to heart talk how she will console me.. i can vow that she is the best grandma on earth and the best i had... i love her always i really do.. and oso here i would like to thanks my friends who attended the funeral cartoon family,eric, karine, bren, dylan and my gakkai friends... kat, aloy, karyn,chels, da ge, da sao, zhenru, may ann who gave all the way out to help me, console me and oso for your shoulder to let me cry on.. i really appreciate it deep from my heart... which words cant describ... i oso have my lesson learnt do not put too much hope on certain things and 0s0 have some reservations for yourself... dun be too naive because you might be giving all your way out but others might not think so... i need to grow up and see things in a bigger and clearer view... GRANDMA I MISS YOU!!!



grandma and me



our last family photo =(

ah Xin aka aH gOi
sweet 21
17 may 1985
cURrenTlY a SlAckEr

MoRE aboUT XiN

A person who likes to plays to the fullest and is really noise however i got my quiet side de hor..tends to have a heck care attidue but actully ponder alot... especially loves her friends alot and always wanted them to be happy.. hate to be maligned by people and will blast off if is been malign.. loves the sea but cant really swim and wants to ride a bike but have not pass basic!! totally attracted to qi yu wu cause finds him really charming!!! searching for a directions now.. hope that i can do wad i want and oso to gain victories and oso breaking through to those challenges i have met!!!

XiN's LovES

my family
cartoon family
C2 suppergroup
a-DoZen
sit by the beach
sea
oRAngie coLOUr
qi yu wu

xIN's HAteS

hoR fAn
lIars
gOT maLIGn

ROAR!

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